


Cracks in the Wall

by AshWinterGray



Series: My Son, My Jaylad [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dreams and Nightmares, Harleen Quinzel Needs a Hug, Hurt Bruce Wayne, Hurt Jason Todd, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insecurity, Insomnia, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Love/Hate, Memories, Nightmares, Past Rape/Non-con, Recovered Memories, Repressed Memories, Sad Harleen Quinzel, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Sexual Harassment, Sibling Bonding, Siblings, Sick Character, Therapy, Trauma, Trust, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:34:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshWinterGray/pseuds/AshWinterGray
Summary: Bruce Wayne is trapped in a two month coma while he heals from his ordeal with Punchline. Jason Todd is suffering a mid-life, earth-shattering crisis. And for whatever bizarre reason, Harleen Quinzel is the best person to help Jason make cracks in the walls that separate him from his family. After all, only Jason can truly tear those walls down.
Relationships: Harleen Quinzel & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Selina Kyle & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Series: My Son, My Jaylad [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812244
Comments: 110
Kudos: 179





	1. Homecoming

Jason Peter Todd was the Red Hood, and the Red Hood was not a hero. Which meant that the three days Jason had stayed in the Watch Tower had been slightly uncomfortable. It seemed like certain people expected Jason to burst or lash out or go crazy. Tim and Cass did their best to shoot those thoughts down, but they weren’t always with Jason, and it felt like the rest of the family was waiting for the same thing.

So the only reason Jason was in the Manor was because Leslie had put her foot down.

“Can I help you?”

Jason was aware he sounded tired. Defeated. But he was tired and defeated. He wasn’t sure what to do, and his supposed family popping in to check on him at all hours of the day wasn’t helping.

“Tt. Unlikely.”

Jason didn’t even have the effort to role his eyes. He wanted to sleep, but shutting his eyes was a problem because all he could see was Bruce’s dead body. His fault. So he kept his body too high-strung to sleep.

If Puncline or the Joker jumped through that window right now and attempted to kill him, Jason would make sure it took.

“Should’a stayed dead,” he mumbled to himself.

“Idiot.”

Oh. Yeah. Jason had forgotten Damian was standing in the doorway. Oh well. Not that Damian would care about his confession. He’d had it for awhile now, honestly. Especially after the Penguin thing.

“You have no idea what your death did to Father,” Damian sneered, which was kind of odd.

“Yeah, I do, your mom told me all about it.”

“She only told you what she knew you would need to hear so that you would do as she wished,” Damian snapped, striding over to the bed, fury all over his face. “And I know you and Drake have discussed things, Todd. But now I wonder how much he told you.”

Jason didn’t say anything, just kept staring at the ceiling. Damian gave another scoff and disappeared down the corridor. Only to return with Tim in tow.

“Fix it,” Damian pointed at Jason.

Jason really couldn’t care to listen to their bickering, and as there was only one way out, he finally let himself fall asleep.

\---------------------------------------

When Jason awoke, he was screaming for Bruce. Well, more specifically, he was screaming for his dad. But he knew it was Bruce he was crying out for because it had been Bruce’s dead body that had been limp and cold in his arms.

Someone must have pulled him away from his dad, because there were arms around him, restraining him. But Jason fought, and cried out. Sure, it hurt, but he needed to get to his dad. He couldn’t let Punchline or the Joker do anything to his dad. So he fought, and kicked, and punched, and cried out.

Which was probably why it took him so long to realize that Dick was trying to calm him down. Because Jason keened as Stephanie got a lucky jab in, effectively tranquilizing him. It wasn’t enough to actually do much but ware Jason down, but it was enough for Jason to hear Dick coo in his ear.

“It’s okay, Little Wing. Everything is okay. Bruce is alive. Cass is with him right now, okay? See? She’s video calling us. Bruce is just resting. It’s all okay. Everything is okay, Little Wing.”

Cass gave him a smile on the other end of the laptop Tim was holding. Behind her was Bruce, the heart monitor beating steadily, and Bruce breathing, though raggedly, as he slept. Jason sagged in relief, going boneless in Dick’s arms.

“I need help, Dick.”

“We know, Little Wing,” Dick whispered into Jason hair. “We know. And we’re going to help however we can.”

Jason swallowed, knowing no one was going to like this next suggestion.

“I need to talk to Harley.”

As predicted, the response was not a good one.

\---------------------------

Selina knocked on the door of the green house Jason shuffled at her side. Neither of them was exactly there with the family’s knowledge, but Selina had seen Harley’s desire to help back on Watch Tower, and assuming Harley was still okay, she should be willing to help now.

I was a risk to go against the Bats, especially with Bruce out, but Jason needed someone to talk to with confidence. Without fear of exposure. And Harley knew exactly who the Bats were, not that she had admitted it.

“Catwoman?” Ivy greeted. “Who is this?”

“This is Hood,” Selina motioned to the teen beside her. “We were hoping Harley’s offer was still open.”

There was a very audible thud behind Ivy, the sound of yipping hyenas and a smashing pot or two soon followed. Harley appeared behind an exasperated Ivy. She looked from Selina to Jason a few minutes to long before a smile spread on her lips.

A true. Genuine smile.

Now, let it be acknowledged that Harley Quinn was always smiling. It came with the costume. But those true, genuine smiles. They were rare. Selina knew that the moment Harley smiled, that she made the right choice. For both Jason and Harley.

That night, when they returned, Dick went off. As did Damian, and Stephanie, and Harper. But Cass stepped forward, and Duke stood by her side. But it was Jason collapsing against Dick’s chest that calmed the current Batman.

“I’ll allow it,” Dick sighed to Selina later. “I’ll allow it as long as we’re sure there isn’t an alterior motive. But if Jay is in danger at any time, Selina-”

“Neither Harley nor Ivy has any intention of harming Jason in any way,” Selina looked him dead in the eye. “We all agreed that Jason needed help, and despite her past, Harley is still the best therapist we can trust. If I thought Jason was in any danger, I wouldn’t have gone against the family’s decision. But as it stands, Jason is more in danger without help than he is with Harley and Ivy. His whole world has been shattered and broken and the one person who should be able to help him is incapacitated.”

Dick’s gaze moved towards Jason eating dinner as Tim adamantly told a story. Tim was the only person who hadn’t said anything, and that hurt more, to know that Tim had known what Selina was doing.

But there was a soft smile on Jason’s faces now. Still broken, but real. When was the last time Jason’s smile hadn’t been sarcastic, or sinister, or broken?

“Okay.” Dick agreed. “Okay. For Jason. And only until Bruce wakes up.”

“I can agree to that.”


	2. Sleeping Baby Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over several sessions, Harley and Jason discuss Timothy Drake and Jason's own self-worth. The first crack forms, and the first wall comes down.

_“You seem the closest to Tim.”_

_“Yeah. He’s…he’s a good kid. A good person. Honestly, no one in this family deserves him. Especially not me.”_

_“Interesting.”_

_“What?”_

_“It’s just…Tim seems to think the same about you Bats. But we’re not focusing on that right now. We’re focusing on you. Specifically you’re relationship with Tim.”_

_“What about it?”_

_“I think you know.”_

\--------------------------------

Jason did know, especially right now. Jason was sprawled out on a lounge chair in the library, book in hand but not quite reading it. He’d forgotten what it was called, too. No, his attention was solely on the Baby Bird tucked into his side. Fast asleep. He knew he hadn’t been meant to overhear the conversation that night. All those many months ago. But he had.

“I can’t believe Tim’s asleep like that,” Stephanie had whispered just a bit too loudly. “Tim hasn’t slept like that with anyone in forever.”

“What are you on about, Brown?” Damian had hissed at her.

“Tim’s asleep?” Dick’s voice had come from down the hall, still soft but just a bit too loud. “Are you su-oh…”

“Right?” Stephanie had sounded…almost excited. “Tim only sleeps like that when he trusts someone. I didn’t realize Jason and Tim were that close.”

“I…didn’t realize…” Dick had sounded heartbroken. Pained.

But then Tim had shifted in his sleep, slightly disturbed, and the three Bats left.

That had been months ago. What felt like forever. But that conversation had come to the present whenever this happened. Whenever Tim actively sought him out and curled up against Jason’s side and let himself sleep.

FACT: Tim Drake did not sleep more than two hours on his own, and only when Tam or the Titans forced him too.

FACT: One could get Tim Drake to sleep more than two hours if he was curled up against someone he trusted.

FACT: Tim Drake never slept with the Bats because they lost his trust or never gained it.

FACT: Tim Drake trusts Jason Todd out of all the Bats and gladly sleep at his side.

And Jason…Jason didn’t deserve that trust. Not in the slightest. He’d hurt Tim. Used Tim. Tried to _kill_ Tim. Jason was practically forbidden from interacting with Tim’s Titans because Tim was afraid one of them might just snap Jason’s neck.

They hadn’t. Yet. Jason figured it was because they knew Jason was the only Bat (other than Cass) that Tim trusted enough to sleep around.

And Jason didn’t deserve it.

Not one bit.

\-------------------------------

_“Why do you think that?”_

_“I just told you-”_

_“Yes, you told me about your crazy Pit induced murder spree. How you were manipulated by a crazy lady to exact revenge. Then manipulate by weird magic people. So. Why do you think you don’t deserve Tim.”_

_“I hurt him!”_

_“Under duress. And he forgave you. From what I hear, you and the Bird work well together.”_

_“That’s not-”_

_“It sounds to me like the kid has several reasons to trust you.”_

\--------------------------

Jason watched as Tim stiffened at Dick’s hug. Watched how he actively avoided Damian. Watched how he avoided certain topics with Stephanie. Even Alfred was given distance. In fact, Tim seemed a bit too relieved when it was his turn to go watch over Bruce.

“Poor kid,” Kate sighed. “Wish I had been here when Bruce went missing. Maybe I’d have been able to help. Somehow.”

Jason turned to Kate. “What do you mean?”

“Well, from what I gathered, things didn’t go down well with Dick, Tim, and Damian when Bruce got lost in the time stream,” she carefully brought over two steaming mugs of hot chocolate, placing one in Jason’s hands. “Damian was on his ‘I must do be the best and kill the Robins’ spree, and Dick was having a crisis because he took a cowl he didn’t want. With Tim insisting Bruce was alive, Dick may or may not have suggested that Tim go to Arkham for help.”

Jason’s blood ran cold and the mug of steaming hot chocolate shattered on the ground.

Dick had done _what?_

\----------------------

_“Us Rogues may not know the Bats personally, but not even Batman can hide his emotions. Red Robin hasn’t trusted the other Bats in years. Not since the Batman swap.”_

_“Really? I find it hard to believe that Dick could do anything wrong in Tim’s mind.”_

_“Well, Big Bird did something! Dunno what, but it wasn’t good. But we’re getting off track again. This is about you. Don’t change the subject!”_

_“…Okay?”_

_“Good. Now. I’m going to give you some advice, and I want you to listen and listen good.”_

\-----------------------------

Jason stalked into the cave to see Tim typing away like a mad man, glaring at the computer screen. This case seemed to have stumped him. Tim reached for a mug, only to hiss when it was empty. However, he made no move to get up. Just typed a bit faster.

Jason wasn’t having that.

“Nap time, Timmy.”

“What-HEY! Jason!”

Jason hauled Tim out of the chair, carefully closing out of the case so nothing was lost. Then he threw Tim over his shoulder.

“Jason! Seriously! I have work to do!”

“And I don’t care. It’s nap time.”

Tim huffed but let Jason drag him out of the cave. He let himself go limp, a sign of trust for the ever tense Red Robin. Jason just nodded to Alfred as he carried Tim through the hallway.

\-----------------

_“The thing holding you back right now is your own mind. And, yes, there are things out there that will contribute to your self-doubt and this newfound fear. But you need to realize you’re hurting yourself. This thing with Tim. This doubt. It’s holding you back.”_

_“How do I stop it, then?”_

_“It won’t be easy. But I’m here to help. I’m going to help put the crack in those walls and then give you the tools to tear them down. Because, unfortunately, only you can truly tear down those walls. But believe me. If I had the power to do so, if your family had that power, any one of us would gladly do so for you. As it stands, we’re going to help you the best we can.”_

_“And…and if it doesn’t work?”_

_“Then we keep trying. It’s not going to be easy. We’re not going to be perfect. We’ll mess up, and walls might be built up. But we’re going to keep knocking and banging until you let us in and until every last wall is gone. Okay?”_

_“Okay. Yeah. Okay.”_

\-------------------------------

There was a lot of walls that needed to come down, and Jason wasn’t sure he could see all of them. But he felt the moment when Tim created the first crack in the first wall.

“PENNYWORTH! I DEMAND YOU MAKE DRAKE SHARE THOSE COOKIES!”

“I am afraid, Master Damian, that Master Tim asked for those cookies specifically,” Alfred shot down Damian’s demands. “They are his to do with as he please. If you would like some, you must wait until I gather the ingredients to obtain more.”

Damian squawked and began to demand that Alfred do something, to which the butler refused. It was only when Tim appeared behind Jason that he could see it was Alfred’s special oatmeal raisin cookies. Alfred hardly ever made those, but they were some of the best cookies Jason had ever had.

The moment the crack appeared in the wall, Tim handed Jason two of the cookies with a bright smile on his face.

Maybe it wasn’t that Jason didn’t deserve Tim, but that Tim loved and trusted Jason enough to be near him. As it stood, Jason made the decision to give Tim that same love and trust.

Because if anyone deserved loved, it was Tim Drake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of sheer curiosity; who in the DC Universe would you like to join Red Hood and the Outlaws? 
> 
> I'm curious and want to see. Any character is fair game, leave your list, and if you want to, feel free to tell me why.


	3. Not My Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known that Jason Peter Todd does NOT see Richard John Grayson as his brother. Harley wants to begin the process of unpacking that mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...so for those of you who have read my stories in the past, you'll notice I'm not keeping to my regular update schedule. That's going to be a thing now.
> 
> PLEASE CHECK THE UPDATED TAGS. THIS CHAPTER IS A DOZZY!

_“You seem to have an issue with your older brother.”_

_“He’s not my brother.”_

_“Oh? And why is that?”_

_“It’s complicated.”_

_“Most things are with people like us, or just people in general. Take that lady who works the frier at Batburger.”_

_“What about her?”_

_“Her boyfriend cheated on her. Poor girl. Was so heartbroken she didn’t realize Pam and I were supervillains until after she’d sobbed her heart out over the juiciest, fattest burger we could buy her.”_

_“You’re not really a supervillain anymore, Harls. You and Pam both are turning a new leaf.”_

_“True. But we do have a reputation. But Let’s go back to first boy wonder. Why do you have something against him? What started it?”_

\----------------------------

Jason stopped just behind Dick, knowing the older had heard his footsteps. Dick didn’t turn to greet him, though.

“I think this was one of the only times you and I got along, Little Wing.”

Jason’s gaze landed on the picture Dick held. It was an old picture, one Jason hadn’t seen in forever. He hadn’t even been aware Dick still had it. The picture was of a younger Dick Grayson and a Robin-aged Jason Todd, both beaming at the camera, clearly cold. They were happy.

“Do you remember that time?”

Jason’s mouth felt painfully dry, but he swallowed. “Yeah. I remember.”

Dick’s smile was sad. “I wish things had been different. That _I_ had been different. Maybe we could have had more of these moments.”

Yeah. Well. Dwelling on the past had never really been a good thing for Jason.

“Demon spawn is looking for you. Figured you would want to know.”

“Jason-”

But Jason was already walking out the door. He didn’t want to talk about the past. Especially not his past with Dick. It only ever led to betrayal and disappointment. Jason had enough of that in his life right now. He didn’t need more wood to the fire.

\------------------------------------

_“Was it a bad ski trip?”_

_“No. Honestly, it was probably one of the best moments of my life.”_

_“Then why is it such a sore spot? He gave you the suit once he realized you were worthy. I figured the ski trip would have been something that made you both closer.”_

_“It did. And I guess that’s the worst part.”_

_“And why is that?”_

_“Because that was the last time Dick and I ever spoke to each other till I came back.”_

\----------------------------------

“You’re avoiding Dick too, aren’t you?”

Jason looked down to Tim, brown pinched. Tim just buried his face in Jason’s chest. Jason had been so wrapped up in his book that he hadn’t noticed Tim was awake. He would have at least offered to make their position more comfortable if he’d known.

“What do you mean, Baby Bird?”

Tim huffed. “He’s hurt you too. So you’re avoiding him. Sometimes I avoid him too.”

“Wait…too? What are you talking about, Timmy? Did Dick hurt you?”

“Not intentionally,” Tim pursed his lips. “When he took Robin away from me, it really hurt. Like, really really hurt. I suddenly knew how you felt when you saw me as Robin. And when Damian was still trying to kill me. Dick didn’t really do anything. It’s…been rocky. For both of us. There are some days when I feel I can’t trust Dick. Like, today is one of those days. He tries, but that thing that made us brothers took a hit we are still trying to mend.”

“He shouldn’t have taken Robin from you in the first place,” Jason grumbled.

Tim hummed in agreement. “He tries, though. He just…Dick’s been through a lot. A lot a lot. He made poor choices.”

“Like throwing me in Arkham?”

\------------------------

_“I always wondered about that. It never made much sense. But I think Tim is right. There was a lot going on with Dick. We Rogues…we hear more than we let on.”_

_“What’s that mean?”_

_“It’s not my place to tell you, Jason. But I want you to listen very carefully. If I had the chance to do this with any of you Bats, I would do it in a heartbeat. Because each of you has had your world shattered in one way or another. Dick being one of the top contenders.”_

_“So, what, we have trauma so we should get along?”_

_“I’m not saying that. That’s your choice, Jay. But let me ask you. Is holding this grudge really worth you and your health? Worth Dick’s health? Is the anger worth what it’s doing to you both mentally?”_

\---------------------------

“Thanks.”

Jason turned to Dick, the older looking tense but sincerity deep in his gaze.

“Yeah, well, a middle aged woman has no right to touch a guy who’s half her age. Especially like that.”

It was quiet for a few minutes, Jason puffing out the smoke of his cigarette before motioning to the ledge just to his left. Dick scrambled over, as if afraid Jason might just take back the offer. Or-

Jason looked to his older, noting the tremor in his body. The shake and the too sharp breath. It…it was…what had Harley said? Trauma? The way Mrs. Hampton had grabbed at Dick earlier before Jason stepped in…

“Dick?”

“Yeah Little Wing?”

Dick’s voice cracked. Several times.

“Can I hold you?”

Dick sucked in a sharp breath before nodding rapidly. Jason tossed his cig into the alley below and slowly wrapped his arms around the older bird. Dick’s body shook just a bit harder once he was tucked against Jason, soft sobs escaping him.

Jason vaguely remembered Roy speaking about Mirage at one point. The whole incident with Dick. Jason remembered not being sure what to think, but being too busy explaining rape to Kori and why it was bad. He remembered back to what Tim had vaguely hinted about Catalina Flores, and what he knew.

\-----------------------

_“It’s easy to slip back into trauma, Jay. It really, really is. Just the smallest thing can trigger a reaction. I’m not saying things between you and Dick will get easy like they did with Tim. It might take several cracks for that wall to come down. Dick wronged you, and he’s no better at dealing with trauma than the rest of you. But Dick has also shown he can be vulnerable when he trusts you, whether you trust him in return won’t matter in those moments. If Dick goes to you, if he breaks down, try to show him the very love you wish he would give him in return.”_

\----------------------------

It wasn’t enough. Not to tear down the wall that Dick had built in Jason’s mind. But the first crack had made itself known, and it wasn’t going away any time soon. Not by a long shot.

Jason just needed to make sure Big Bird was safe in this time of vulnerability. He owed that to Dick and to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:
> 
> 1.) I would love to hear more about who you would love to see join Red Hood and the Outlaws. I know I gots readers, but only three of you responded. So let me know!
> 
> 2.) If I issued a writing challenge at the end of this book, would anyone be interested. I know most of you are readers and not writers, but anyone interested?


	4. Dreams...Or Memories?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason feels like there is something off with a few wacky dreams. Harley wants him to explore them. Neither likes the outcome that comes of this, but by golly, someone is going to do something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh...

_“So, the little bird?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“You seem fond of him.”_

_“Well we did both die and come back.”_

_“…”_

_“I told you about my time with the League, when I was thrown in the Pit.”_

_“Yes. I remember.”_

_“I don’t really remember what happened before that. How I came back. What happened in the time I was with the League. But sometimes. There are…flashbacks…or maybe just dreams.”_

_“What makes you think they’re dreams?”_

\--------------------------

Jason watched as Damian worked. Damian Wayne threw himself into everything he did. Every case. Every fight. Every activity. His art was no different.

“Stay still, Todd.” Damian huffed.

It had been Stephanie’s suggestion, from what Jason understood. Damian wanted to do something for his Father while he was in a coma, but the kid felt helpless. That helplessness had formed into rage and he’d been lashing out at everyone until Stephanie had enough of finding Tim in tears and took Damian to a secluded room.

When Stephanie and Damian came out of what Jason later learned was the art studio, Damian presented Alfred with a beautiful portrait of Stephanie. One portrait led to another and Damian was insistent to paint every one of Bruce’s children, adopted or otherwise. Tim had gone the day before Jason, and now it was his turn.

“Sorry, nose is itchy.”

Jason had dreams, because they had to be dreams, of his time with the League before the Pit. Of Damian drawing a picture. Of Mara singing a beautiful song in Arabic. Of an even smaller child giggling in his lap.

It had to be a dream.

\--------------------------

_“Athanasia.”_

_“Yeah, that was her name. Mara and Damian called her Attie in my dreams. But I’ve seen no sign she exists. Maybe my brain made it up to make up for all the killings.”_

_“…”_

_“You’re making that face, again, Harls.”_

_“I…I think you should tell the others about this. About Athanasia. Especially Damian.”_

_“You think she’s real?”_

_“I’m not going to say it was real or not, but you just gave me a very detailed description of the child, Jaybird. The human mind is remarkable, but it cannot make up a face it hasn’t seen before.”_

_“Seriously?”_

\----------------------------

“I-I didn’t realize,” Damian stammered.

Jason stared at Damian wide-eyed as tears fell down the boy’s face. Jason had only ever seen Damian cry one other time, when Bruce and Selina had been engaged. The kid’s reaction was terrifying.

“Akhi?” Damian whispered.

And Damian had called him that. In his dreams. Jason felt the floor give out from under him as he reached for Damian. The kid flew into his chest and wailed. So heartbroken and agonized.

Mara. Damian. Athanasia. Had it all been real?”

Damian was sobbing in rapid fire Arabic, Jason only able to understand every couple words at the least through the sobs.

“Give me three weeks, Dick,” and Jason turned to see the determination on Tim’s face as he looked to the oldest. “Three weeks. I’ll take Cass with me if you like, but I’ve got the best chance of finding Athanasia. Once those three weeks are up you can get anyone you want involved. The League. The Titans. Just give me three weeks.”

Something passed between Dick and Tim before Dick relented. It was clear Dick didn’t like the fact that Tim dealt with Ra’s al Ghul anymore than Jason did.

\--------------------------

_“Akhi. It means ‘my brother’.”_

_“And he never recognized you before?”_

_“Maybe subconsciously. But Talia always said I was pretty catatonic. How I move and act now is different than before. And I…I think I wore a mask. There were certain people not allowed to see my face, I think.”_

_“I like these people less and less. Not that they had very high standards to begin with. But I’d like to talk about Talia al Ghul. We’re not going to treat this like a normal therapy session.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Well, you hinted earlier that you were led to believe that Tim replaced you as Robin. However, I can easily refute that.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, Tim told me. He blackmailed B and refused to stop trying. B was spiraling.”_

_“Uh-huh. We’re going to dig into more dangerous waters now. I take it Talia also told you all criminals deserve to die.”_

_“Yeah, I guess… I kind of had that thought process to begin with.”_

_“And did you kill Felipe Garzonas?”_

\---------------------------

Damian was letting Jason and Dick flip through his sketchbook, in hopes that it might job some of Jason’s memories. It didn’t quite have the desired affect, but it definitely confirmed some of Jason’s dreams.

“Why would you draw this?”

“Because it was amusing.”

“I was literally covered in Attie’s throw-up!” Jason protested.

“Mara agreed with me,” Damian huffed. “One of the few things we ever agreed on.”

“It does look kind of funny, Little Wing,” Dick chuckled.

Moments Jason thought were far away or fake were proven to be true. They were still in radio silence with Tim and Cass, but Jason had faith in them. What ached the most was when some of the pictures began to dwindle. Athanasia slowly stopped being there among the pages.

“She was sick.”

Damian wilted. “Yes. And not even the Pit could heal it. Or perhaps grandfather wouldn’t allow it. I was uncertain.”

“And then you and Mara were always pitted against each other. And I left too.”

Damian sniffed but said nothing else. It was all Jason needed to hear.

\---------------------------

_“Not sure it matters, Harls.”_

_“I think it does. I think you don’t remember, and it eats at you every day. Because no one knows. No one knows what happened, and you can’t remember. But it brought you so much grief, and Talia used it to shape you.”_

_“Harls-”_

_“If you killed as Robin, I think that meant something to you because it meant you’d done it before. But your world has already shattered, Jason. I worry what the truth will do to you. But I think you also need to know the truth.”_

_“And how do I find that.”_

_“Tim Drake.”_

\--------------------------------

As promised, Tim came back. It only took him two and a half-weeks to do it, and the entirtity of the Bats flipped out at the stab wound through Tim’s stomach, but he brought Athanasia home.

“If I’d known,” Tim huffed, flipping through box after box of photos. Photos of Batman and Robin. Photos of Bruce and Jason. Pictures that showed just how loved Jason really was. How much Bruce loved him. “If I’d known I’d have marched to Wayne Manor myself. I swear. Maybe this could have been prevented.”

Tim’s frantic hands finally stopped, the whole family standing nearby with Athanasia asleep in Alfred’s arms. Tim pulled out a series of photo’s laying them out on his lap in a specific order

Robin landed on the rooftop.

Garzonas fear and shouting.

Robin hasn’t moved.

Garzonas backing up to the ledge.

Robin hasn’t moved.

Garzonas screaming and tilting back.

Robin hasn’t moved.

Garzonas is gone.

And Robin. Hasn’t. **Moved.**

Jason took in a shaky breath, tears in his eyes. He hadn’t killed Felipe Garzonas.

\--------------------

_“Whatever you learn, Jay, I want you to know. Nothing is set in stone. You can shape your own life. The past doesn’t need to define you. Yes, there will be consequences. Yes, you’ll need to own up to the past. But you can change. Pam and I are examples of that, yeah? You’re going to mess up, but don’t hold onto the things that hurt you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want Athanasia to exist in the main timestream and not just Injustice. Fight me.
> 
> You also can't tell me that Tim DIDN'T get pictures of that night. Fight me, again.


	5. A Couple of Bats...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley thinks Jason needs to interact with the rest of the Bats. Jason things she's grown a second head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept forgetting to post this chapter.

_“Perhaps you should try forming better bonds with the rest of your family.”_

_“You think so?”_

_“Can’t hurt to have more people who know the real you, can it?”_

_“No, I guess not. Any suggestions on who I should bond with first?”_

_“I dunno. Ask Timmy.”_

\---------------------------

Asking Tim was a terrible decision because Tim decided to introduce Jason to Cass and Steph. It wasn’t like Jason disliked either of the girls, but Cass was technically his sister and Steph was Tim’s ex. It was…weird.

“What are we doing?”

“Bonding,” Steph scoffed. “There is no better way to bond than with waffles.”

“Not Alfred’s,” Cass whispered into Jason’s ear.

That was slightly relieving. No offense to Alfred, the guy was a master in the kitchen, but his pancakes were like paste, and his waffles weren’t much better. Not that anyone in this family had the guts to tell the man that.

“I also snagged strawberries. And whipped cream. And blueberries. And chocolate chips. And chocolate syrup.”

“That…sounds like a recipe for diabetes.”

Steph made a face while Cass sounded out the words.

“Then I’ll just have to suffer alone,” Steph dumped a bunch of chocolate chips on her waffles.

“Hey, hey!” Jason lunged for the bag. “I didn’t say I wasn’t going to join.”

Cass giggled as the two wrestled for the bag of chocolate chips, easily plucking it from their hands and popping the little pieces in her mouth. Steph and Jason exchanged a look before they lunged at Cass.

“Get back here!”

“Cass, you traitor! How could you!”

They were some good waffles.

\-------------------------------

_“I have no idea how to connect with people.”_

_“That’s not true. You connect with kids really well.”_

_“Yeah, but those are kids. Regular people are stupid.”_

_“Point. But if you’re asking for advice, try looking for likes and dislikes. Things you have in common.”_

_“Harls, I murder people and read Shakespeare. I have nothing in common with my family.”_

_“I think you’ll be surprised.”_

\--------------------------

“Bed time, Timmy,” Jason mocked as his brother slumped.

“No. Sleep is overrated.”

Jason rolled his eyes. _“To die, to sleep-”_

_“To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the rub, For in this sleep of death what dreams may come…”_

Jason’s head whipped around to where Duke was hunched over a game of scrabble with Dick and Damian. Duke cast Jason a grin before going back to his game.

“You read _“Hamlet”_?” Jason gaped at his sort-of-but-not-adopted-brother.

“Hamlet was kind of a genius,” Duke pointed out. “I won’t say he was Batman level genius, cause the guy was an idiot in all the wrong places, but he had a solid plan. Shakespeare can write a good story.”

“That’s it! Duke is my new favorite brother! The rest of you can suffer!”

There were squawks and gasps from his other three brothers, and Dick even went as far to tackle Jason in a hug. But Jason still refused to retract his statement. If he and Duke spent the rest of the night quoting and comparing Shakespeare plays, the only person who stayed in the room was Tim, who fell asleep tucked into Jason’s side.

And Athanasia, who decided she wanted to sleep with her big brother.

\-----------------------

_“It doesn’t hurt to have friends, Jay.”_

_“I have friends, Harley.”_

_“I know.”_

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“Sorry. That was harsh.”_

_“I don’t blame you, Jay. I was there. I-I lost Ivy. For a time.”_

_“I know. I’m sorry.”_

_“Not everyone was so lucky.”_

_“I deal.”_

_“You deal with a lot.”_

\---------------------------

Jason hadn’t so much as thrown a punch since he’d been sent to the Manor and started therapy with Harley. Technically, he hadn’t thrown a punch since the Punchline incident, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that Jason had thrown a punch.

Several. Punches.

“Touch them again,” Jason growled. “And no one will find your stupid, pathetic, worthless bodies.”

“Okay! Okay, man! Just let us go! We’ll leave them alone!”

“You better swear on your lives,” Jason hissed.

“We swear. We swear man. Please!”

Jason let the jerk go, watching as he and his buddies scampered off. Then he turned around. Tim was grinning at him, Cass and Steph were cheering, the former doing so with eager clapping as the latter gave a loud whoop. But Jason only had eyes for two. Harper was watching him, mouth agape as she loosely put pressure to gash above Cullen’s right eye.

And Cullen is watching him like he hung the moon.

“Those jerks come at you again, you let me know,” Jason jerked his thumb back towards the idiots.

And Cullen’s head nod was enough of a promise for Jason. No kid was gonna deal with that while Jason could stop it.

\-------------------------------

_“So, I think we can both agree Batwoman is a lesbian.”_

_“What gave it away?”_

_“Don’t take that tone with me, Mister! I have a serious question!”_

_“…”_

_“Bite me, Jay. Back on track. Is Batwoman a wine aunt?”_

_“I…don’t know.”_

\--------------------------------

Yes, Jason decided as he watched Kate and Selina gush over baby supplies, Kate was a wine Aunt. Jason had never seen her drink wine, before, though. But Jason’s thoughts drifted to his little sister as she entered the room, cough up a storm.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Selina fussed, clearly upset she had to keep her distance. Leslie’s recommendation with the due date for the baby so close. “Is you’re throat bothering you again.”

Damian appeared behind his sister, carefully gripping her hand. He locked eyes with Jason over Attie’s head as Kate crossed the room in strides.

“Let’s go get you some cough syrup,” Kate cooed, motioning to Damian to follow. “Then we’ll see if Alfred has any hot chocolate left.”

Attie, despite how pale and frail she looked, perked up instantly. Even Damian looked eager. No one made hot coco in this family quite like Alfred and Kate. Even Alfred could admit that Kate’s hot coco met his standards.

“Coming, Jay?” Kate turned to him.

Heck yeah he was.

Kate could be a wine Aunt all she wanted, because Jason absolutely adored her. She…understood him, in a sense. In a way Bruce couldn’t. He liked their team-ups almost as much as he loved working with Tim, Cass, and Steph. He’d probably like teaming up with Duke, too…but kid was still keeping the Robins’ Movement out of Crime Alley.

He’d have to remember to threaten Renee the next time he saw her, because there was no way he was going to anyone break his Aunt’s heart.

\--------------------

_“Selina is a grumpy pregnant woman.”_

_“Most women are, Jay-Jay. I would know.”_

_“Yeah…Lucy, right? How’s she doing? You went to see her last week, right?”_

_“She’s doing alright. Growing up too fast, but alright. Delilah said she was proud of me, yesterday. For getting back in the game.”_

_“Wow. Harls, are you okay?”_

_“I…I think so. It was sort of a shock. I mean, I know Delilah still loved me. She’s my sister. She took in my daughter, no questions asked. But when I told her…She said she was so proud of me and so glad that I was getting away from **him.** ”_

_“We’re all proud of you, Harls. You never deserved that.”_

_“…I told her I was doing therapy again. I didn’t tell her who, just that I learned from my experience and I was helping a Crime Alley kid. I probably should have asked-”_

_“Harley! It’s okay! You deserve to have people be proud of you. You’ve come a long way. You didn’t give away any personal information, and for all she knows, you’re giving therapy to one of your ex’s victims.”_

_“I_ am _giving therapy to one of my ex’s victims.”_

_“Touché.”_

\------------------------------

“Akhi?” Attie called into Jason’s room.

“Here, Attie,” Jason turned towards the door. “Can’t sleep?”

Attie nodded, clutching the stuffed cat Selina had bought Attie

“Dami’s still out, too.”

“Well come here, kid,” Jason lifted the covers, letting Attie crawl into bed beside him. “Dami’s gonna be okay, alright? He’s a Bat. And Bats are incredibly stubborn.”

“Like Father?”

“Exactly like Father. And your dad is going to come home, soon. He’s gonna look at you and be so shocked! And he’ll love you even though he’ll be really bad at saying it. We’ll just have to teach him to say those three words, okay?”

“Yeah. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Attie. Get some sleep, Baby Wing.”

He smiled at Selina as she checked on them from the doorway, giving her a wink as she smiled back. The sight of Attie’s kitten snuggly in the girl’s grasp making that smile all the wider.

Selina might have been his mother, once. Once upon a time. But at least she could be there for Attie, and the baby. And maybe…maybe she could be there for all of them. If they let her in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ya'll see any plotholes, let me know. Someone already pointed out one that I thought I covered but hadn't, and I would love to know what I need to fix or what doesn't make sense.
> 
> Athanasia is not one of those plotholes as her backstory will be touched on in the next book.


	6. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Barbara Gordon is not placed in a good light here. You need to remember that everything is from Jason's point of view, and Jason's history with Babs is actually rather negative. I actually really love Babs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to post last night, so here we go!

Jason walked into a room, the main sitting room, to be exact, and casually glanced up from the book he was reading. He took one look at the people inside and turned right back around.

He wasn’t dealing with this.

\-----------------------------

_“Sounds like our former Batgirl feels guilty.”_

_“Guilty? Yeah right. Barbie made it quite clear what she thinks of me.”_

_“I guess she did.”_

_“Wait…you’re agreeing with me?”_

_“That’s what I just said.”_

_“Huh? Aren’t you supposed to tell me how I should ‘give her a chance’ and all that jazz?”_

_“Jay. Sweetie. There are going to be people in your life that are toxic. Your relationship with Boy Wonder Numero Uno is one such relationship, but the difference between that relationship and this one is that you **both** have been trying to fix it. Relationships are a two way street. If both people aren’t willing to fix the problem, then they don’t deserve you.”_

\--------------------

The thing about Barbara Gordon was that their relationship was a mess. Had always been a mess since the first time Jason put on the costume and she had said _“you aren’t Dick Grayson”._

But what had really ruined any relationship between Barbara and Jason was when Barbara had tried to keep him in Gotham by offering to date him. To let them become a couple. It was…manipulative, now that Jason thought about it. He hadn’t seen it that way then, but he’d had enough common sense to turn the offer down.

“Just…” Jason sighed, running a hand through his hair as he locked eyes with Dick. “Let me know when she’s visiting. Please. I can’t play this game of hers anymore.”

Dick loved Barbara. He saw a future with her, but he also knew that Babs’ history with Jason was just as dark as Dick’s history with Jason. And Dick loved his brother enough to do something about Jason’s request.

Barbara need intel? Ah, well, Athanasia needs some fresh air and she’s still not overly found of people. Sorry Babs, but Jason and Damian are out.

Barbara came by for a surprise visit? Well wouldn’t you know it, Duke and Jason were planning to hit up that used bookstore. By Babs!

Barbara wants to talk to Jason on the phone? Sorry Babs, Cass and Steph convinced Jason to try nail polish and braiding hair. His hands are tied.

Jason owed his dang family his life for this.

\-----------------------

_“If you think you can make up with her, go for it. But I want you to understand that you have a choice, Jason. If she refuses to respect you, your boundaries, and your word, then maybe you should cut ties the best you can.”_

_“Kind of hard when we live together.”_

_“You could get an apartment with one of your siblings. But I’ll let that stew. You’re stressed enough as is and we don’t want to start a fight. My point is, you don’t deserve to be manipulated like that. And if the Bats messes up like that, too, then you drop him. It won’t be easy, believe me.”_

_“I know, Harls. But people like you, they give the rest of us hope.”_

_“That’s twisted and kind of ironic.”_

_“Oh, shut up!”_

\---------------------------

Of course, Barbara Gordon wasn’t a master mind for nothing. Jason knew it was only a matter of time before Babs found a way to talk to him. That didn’t mean he was prepared when she cornered him in the Manor Library.

“I just want to talk.”

Jason hated how soft her voice sounded. How pitying it was. There were times when he wondered if Babs knew she was being manipulative. He hoped not, but it was a fools hope, even in his own head.

“I really don’t,” Jason admitted, body tense. “I’m going back to my room.”

Babs grabbed his arm before he could get past and Jason felt his breath hitch. He wasn’t sure what happened after, though he vaguely recalled Harley telling him about panic attacks, but the next time he came too, he wasn’t in the Manor. He was in Ivy’s jungle.

“She went too far,” Tim was shouting into the phone. “You know she went too far, Dick! Don’t you dare try to cover for her! Jason wasn’t stable enough for that sort of confrontation! We’re lucky Duke got home early! Yes, the shock as that bad!”

“Deep breaths, Jay,” Harely appeared at his side, Cass on his other. “Deep breaths. Everything is alright, now. You’re safe.”

“What-?”

His voice sounded raw.

“Duke found you,” Cass spoke gently, looking to Harley for guidance. “O…confronted you. In library. Grabbed your arm. Too hard. You were…in shock.”

“From what I understand,” Harley picked up when Cass bit her lip. “You were screaming bloody murder, Jay. Duke supposedly threw Babs off you and raced you into his car, where he came here. He called Timmy and Stephie once he got you here.”

Jason shut his eyes tight.

\------------------

_“…”_

_“You don’t have to say anything, Jay. This wasn’t your fault. You just rest.”_

_“…”_

\---------------------

“NO! Babs, I told you what you needed to do, but you blew it!” Dick was shouting at Barbara. “Don’t you dare try to pin this on him!”

“So, what, this is my fault?” Babs shouted back.

“YES!”

Silence.

“Babs, I love you. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words. But I love Jason too. Ignoring what we did to Jason when he was Robin isn’t going to fix anything.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has **everything** to do with this!” Dick snapped back. “We hurt him, Babs! This is our fault just as much as it is the Joker’s! Bruce’s! Punchline! We did this to him! How can you not see that?”

Babs was silent.

“I will _never_ be able to hold my little brothers the way I can with Athanasia. Like Damian will let me do when one of us is weak enough. I _ruined_ my relationship with both Tim and Jason. At least I can acknowledge that and try to fix that, Babs. The only reason Cass isn’t the one chewing you out right now is because Jason needs her, and he trusts her enough as his sister in a way I will _never_ have. If you want to have any chance of being close to Jason again, then you need to acknowledge your faults too.”

“So, what are you saying?”

Dick grunted. “I thought it was obvious.”

Silence.

“Whether or not you meant it, Babs, you attacked my brother the other day. I can’t stand for that. Not when we nearly lost him a second time. We need to take a break. Kate, Steph, Cass, and Harper are all still willing to work with you. But unless it’s absolutely necessary, stay away from my family, Babs.”

When Dick entered Jason’s room minutes later, where all of his siblings (+Selina) had gathered around Jason, Jason couldn’t resist pulling his big brother into the circle.

“Thank you,” Jason whispered.

“Love you, Little Wing.”

Jason could believe it.


	7. Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months of therapy with unanswered questions and Bruce wakes up. Jason's not ready. Harley has the adoption papers on hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna post this chapter yesterday cause it's kind of short. But my air conditioning decided it didn't want to live anymore. In the middle of a heat wave. It was a long night.

_“I think the biggest problem will come when the Bat wakes up.”_

_“…Yeah.”_

_“Jay, I want you to know that whatever happens, you can always come back here. Ivy and I will be glad to have you here.”_

_“Thank you, Harls. Really. That means a lot.”_

_“Anytime, Jay.”_

\------------------------

Attie was confined to her bed again, which meant that there were only a select few people allowed to visit her. These people consisted of Kate, Cass, Jason, Duke, Damian, and Alfred. Selina couldn’t visit because of the baby. The discovery of Tim’s missing spleen kept him away, by strict instructions. Dick and Steph were banded after ignoring Alfred’s instructions and let Attie’s puppy-eyes take over.

With Kate out on a date, Duke at school, and Damian taking his turn with Bruce, that left Cass, Jason, and Alfred to take care of Attie.

“Come on,” Jason held up the spoon of medicine. “Just one spoonful, okay?”

“No,” Attie huffed, only to start coughing.

“Please,” Jason sighed. “Just one.”

“It’s not going to do anything anyways,” Attie huffed. “Even grandfather saw that.”

“Yeah, well, your grandfather was a jerk,” Jason quipped bitterly, lowering the medicine. “But if we just pretend like you’re not sick, you won’t get any better.”

“Maybe I don’t want to get better,” Attie grumbled, slapping the medicine from Jason’s hand. “I’m not going to get better anyways.”

Jason sighed. “I used to think that too, Attie. But I want you here. And all our sibling. If not for you, then for us, please.”

Attie growled but opened her mouth, allowing Jason to put more medicine on the spoon and slip it into her mouth. She glared at Jason as she swallowed, but Jason was undeterred.

“Love you, Attie.”

“I love you too, Jay.”

\------------------------

_“He’s going to be so emotionally constipated.”_

_“Then don’t let him. I realize it may be hard not to fight, and his defense will be fighting, but he probably wants you home as much as you want to come home.”_

_“I’ve been home, Harls.”_

_“Home isn’t just a building, Jay. You and I know that better than anyone.”_

_“…Yeah.”_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“I just…what if I’m wrong? About everything?”_

_“Then we piece you back together. Your family fought tooth and nail to keep you here, Jay. They’re not going to let you go just yet. And if they do, forget my vow, I’ll beat sense into them myself.”_

_“…”_

\-----------------------------

Jason could feel the tension in the room as he entered. He’d just had a very long conversation with Attie about how loved she was before putting her to bed. It had already drained Jason, and he was looking forward to a nap.

But most of the family was in the library, clearly waiting for him.

“Jay-”

“Just spit it out, Dick.”

“Bruce is awake,” Tim cut off Dick’s retort. “He’s asking for you.”

Jason honestly wasn’t sure what to make of that request. He knew, logically, that Bruce would want to see him once he woke up. Jason wanted to see Bruce too. More than anything. He needed to know if Bruce’s words were real. Were true. But he feared being wrong more than anything.

“Okay,” Jason swallowed. “Let’s go.”

Nobody protested. Nobody gave a rebuttal. Cass was kind enough to give him a hug, and Dick was clearly relived that Jason allowed Dick to give a shoulder squeeze. It was a much needed comfort as Tim led the way to the transporter.

It was time to see Bruce.

\--------------------

_“I wish I’d never died. Sometimes I wish I had never come back.”_

_“Don’t say that. I’d have never met you if you hadn’t come back.”_

_“That’s what gets you?”_

_“Hey, you’re my kid now, Jay. Batman is just going to have ta share.”_

_“Pfffft. Batman? Share? Yeah, right!”_

\-------------------------------

Bruce was propped up on his bed, Damian sitting at his side as he talked. Probably catching his Father up on all the happenings. To the naked eyes, Bruce might have looked asleep. But the Bats knew their leader better than anyone. Bruce was tense. Too tense to be asleep. As Jason approached the bed, Bruce opened his eyes.

“Jaylad,” Bruce breathed, taking in Jason’s form. “You’re here.”

“Yeah. I’m here.”

Damian slid down, moving over to Tim. The traitors clearly intended to leave Jason and Bruce alone. But then Bruce was gripping his arm, weakly tugging him closer. Jason went without a fuss, easily taking Damian’s previous space.

“You’re alright?”

Jason leaned into Bruce hand as the older cupped Jason’s face, brushing away a tear. He didn’t trust himself to respond verbally, so he gave a nod.

“Good. I’m glad.”

“You weren’t okay,” Jason muttered, shutting his eyes tight. “Why did you-?”

“Because I love you, Jaylad. You’re my son. I would die a thousand deaths if it meant you lived.”

Jason chocked on a sob, curling into Bruce’s chest. Bruce, still weak, managed to wrap his arms around Jason anyways. And Jason screamed, all the pain and agony he hadn’t been able to release just yet, all the fear he couldn’t bring himself to tell Harley. Jason screamed it all out.

And Bruce held him as tight as possible, whispering gentle words and promises that Jason still couldn’t bring himself to fully believe. But he’d let himself sit here. With Bruce.

“I’m sorry, Dad. So sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Jaylad. I have you know. You’re safe.”

Yeah, Jason would let himself believe it for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Bruce and Jason really just need to get over themselves and talk things out.
> 
> P.S. check your air conditioning, people. Don't just let it die on you. It causes great suffering.


End file.
